


I'll Be Good

by Vosueh



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (metaphorically since gems are never really children), Abusive Lapis, Child Soldiers, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Forced Orgasm, Gem War, Non-Consensual Groping, Pre-Canon, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Violence, Vibrators, Victim Blaming, Victim Jasper, and also i'm jumping on the bandwagon that pearls are often sexually abused by their owners, baby jasper doesn't know what sex is guys, child grooming, i'll prob tag more later, she has no clue what is even going on, young jasper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-12-14 19:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11790105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vosueh/pseuds/Vosueh
Summary: Jasper, a newborn Quartz soldier training to try and win the war that has consumed her birth planet, will do anything to be the perfect soldier. And unknowingly, she catches the attention of a visiting elite named Lapis, who's looking for a more durable alternative to her pearl.Pressured by her will to uphold her trademark obedience, Jasper listens and obeys everything Lapis asks of her, even though she doesn't understand the meaning of the elite's strange wishes...





	1. What Good Soldiers Do

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with victim Jasper/abusive Lapis fics. Based off the young Jasper AU I have on my art blog, and I was surprised people actually wanted me to make it into a fic. This is all gonna be parelleled/metaphorical for child sexual abuse, so severe warning in that department. Jasper is super duper fresh-from-the-earth young and has absolutely no clue what sex is. Poor girl doesn't even know what her vagina is. All she knows is her goal in life is to fight, and that her Diamond is the very best thing is all of the universe.
> 
> Young Jasper's personality is going to be very different from canon Jasper's personality, mainly due to young age and not yet experiencing the death of her Diamond. But, slowly I intend for her more current personality traits to slowly rise and develop from her experiences, and turn her into the self-hating perfectionist we now have today.
> 
> Anywho, the actual description of rape/noncon is going to be lighter in this series. More going to be focused on confused baby Jasper trying to understand the world and what Lapis is doing with her.

Jasper was the _best_ Quartz here from Earth.

That's what they tell her. All the time. Consistently.

Sometimes, Jasper loves it. When she hears from her superiors how important and useful she is to her Diamond, the young soldier has to hide the start of a few excited tears in her eyes. Her youth made her emotions much too tender, and besides fighting, the only other innate drive she has within her is a burning loyalty to her lustrous Diamond. That's all the newborn Quartz was born knowing. Fighting and loyalty. How to hold herself in battle, and what to tell herself to keep going. It's for her Diamond. Everything Jasper did was for her marvelous Diamond.

Older Quartzes are much more… reserved. Jasper thinks maybe that's what she's supposed to be like at times; more prideful and stoic. Perhaps that was something she will one day become too, with age. But in her youth, she never understood how the other Quartzes didn't break out into tears of joy whenever their superiors praised them. This is what they were made for. Why weren't they happy?

For a second, sometimes when Jasper’s thoughts seem a little too mature for her blossoming mind, she wonders if it's because they didn't come out as right as she did. Perhaps they didn't come out _exactly_ how a Quartz was supposed to, and got scolded and punished into squeezing themselves into the lines society drew for them. From what Jasper knew, scoldings and punishments were downright terrifying. The only times she even remotely receives one is when her platoon loses a battle, and Jasper thinks if she received them more often, perhaps she would be more cold and stoic like them.

After all, the only true trait she was born with was loyalty. Gems are born knowing exactly what they need to do in this world, and only that; any other instincts and desires within them are flukes, and since seldom a gem is born perfect, they all had little individual quirks and traits. All but Jasper, who _only_ knew how to express her respect and loyalty to her Diamond. No common courteous, witty humor, uplifting attitude, or at the very least a friendly demeanor with the other gems around her rank. The only observable trait she seemed to have was a deep respect and loyalty to her Diamond, and any gem ranking above her. Jasper’s job was to serve the order. That's the only way she's good to her Diamond.

The closest personality trait one might be able to see in her was nervousness. Like an aftereffect of all her stress and desire to please her superiors, like a residue of her ridiculously cookie-cut nature. She was nervous over not being the perfect representation of a Quartz. She was nervous over being worthless to her Diamond.

The other Quartzes admired her power, but found her a bit too highly esteemed by their superiors to really like her all that much. So seldom did she hear her sisters’ voices reassuring her of her worth.

Jasper didn’t care. Her superiors told her she was great.

That’s all that matters, right?

Jasper huffed, trying to push away that troublesome train of thought.

All the other Quartzes were chatting, idly and absentmindedly. They had a few hours before they were to report in to the training field, and they hung out in their quarters in flocks-- some were slumbering away their break in their cubbies, others were roaming the base to soak in the acclimating planet.

With a shiver, Jasper hugged her knees up to her chest, leaning against the cool back wall of her cubby as she watched her Quartz sisters chat and laugh over this and that. Sometimes she’ll catch a few words of defiance, a few words of distaste towards their superior agate; Jasper pretends not to hear, pretends there wasn’t a small part of herself that agreed with them. Maybe sometimes their superior was a bit aggressive and terrifying. Maybe sometimes she does take things too far.

Sometimes, over their evening break when the soldiers are given six hours before their next check-in, Jasper will sit in her dark cubby and pretend she doesn’t hear the more disobedient soldiers softly crying from their own dimly lit cabinets. She knows they were whipped raw that day for their failures and defiance. She knows they were trying not to move an inch, hoping their bodies heal enough so they can perform better the next day.

Jasper hopes she’ll never be like them.

Which was why she was secluded up in her cubby, refusing to engage in such defiant words like her sisters were. A perfect Quartz wouldn’t say such things. Henceforth, Jasper wasn’t going to join the warm bonding her fellow soldiers were sharing-- rather, she sat up and pushed out her cubby, wandering over to the faint pinkish light emitting from their barracks’ exit.

She’ll take a stroll outside instead, and hopefully catch the sunset before night hits. The elites had a tower nearby, and their community sometimes mingles with the militaries’; other than that, the rest of the environment was left raw and undeveloped. A cold chill kissed the young Quartz’s cheek as a greeting once she was outside, and she softly hummed as she flashed off her boots, curling her toes into the cool grass and relishing in the little delights her birth planet had to offer.

A soft breeze gently swept her short hair, and the back of her neck felt a little tickle from the movement. Without thought, Jasper idly began to stroll, wandering towards the stone quad jutting out from the green landscape, segmenting the path between the militaries’ buildings and the elites’ tower. The shadow cast by the massive tower was quite cool compared to the sun’s rays. The shade could easily lure one into drowsiness whilst they take in the foliage and landscape of the fresh planet, and Jasper has to consciously remind herself to stay awake and alert. After all, the quad often hosts the company and conversations of elites and upper-class gems, so not only does Jasper have to carefully keep off to the side and out of their way, but she also has to be ready to jump to her feet to salute if one of them addresses her.

Usually, besides the seldom other Quartz soldiers who decide to wander out this far from their barracks, Jasper is among the lowest ranking gems there. Sometimes, she might see one of the elites with their pearl trailing behind them, but elites with that high of status usually had other places to be. Their presence was a bit too high for the all-access area of the quad; there are places up in their sharp piercing tower for them to congregate at, and thus Jasper accepted she played the role as one of the lowest-ranking gems whenever she went to the quad.

Yet she didn't mind so much, and had no quarrels with sitting back on the chilling stone benches, looking past the crowd of elites and towards the distant sky that her vision just barely caught between the decorative pillars erected in the image of the finest gems. The cold stone didn't feel as nice as the grass, and she quickly reverted back to her boots for the formality of being in the presence of elites.

A few sparse clouds slowly streaked across the sky, soaking up the hue of the late sunset to illuminate a pleasant pink color. Jasper is quite fond of the pink sunset clouds, and was glad she got out early enough to watch it.

Breaking her thoughts, a small elite walked close by her bench-- _too_ close, too out of her way, and gave Jasper no time to react before she hit the top of her foot on Jasper’s boot on her pass-by, tripping and making a hard stumble that looked surprisingly graceful with her lithe form.

“You _stupid_ Quartz!!” The blue elite immediately scolded as she straightened up, skirt whipping around her slender legs and short navy hair giving an obvious swing of momentum as she harshly turned towards Jasper. Already, the young Quartz pulled her legs back; she was just so large, perhaps she didn't notice her feet stood out a bit far when she sat on the benches made for smaller elite gems rather than giant Quartzes. Already, her head was dipped down and Jasper’s hands were up in a diamond salute, a second-nature reaction that was able to cut through the immediate flood of stress smashing into her for accidentally tripping a noble.

“M-my sincerest apologies, Your Clarity-- I-I am much too in the way.” With her eyes locked low on the ground, proper and submissive to the higher-ranking gem, Jasper barely caught sight of the noble’s feet in her field of vision. Not only did they look delicate and tiny, but the noble was walking around completely barefoot, leading to a slight purple hue on the top of the foot that had collided with the Quartz’s hard boot. Jasper just barely suppressed an audible hiss of remorse with herself, already internally melting down in panic and shame for the fresh bruise the elite was donning. Quartzes were meant to stay out of the way of nobles, so this little accident was a blatant scourge on Jasper’s reputation of perfection.

“ _Very_ much in the way, indeed. What are you even doing here?? Doesn't your lot usually keep to those filthy barracks?” Jasper slightly peaked up, meekly meeting the other gem’s piercing navy eyes. After getting a clearer look, Jasper was able to notice she was a lapis lazuli-- probably a member of Blue Diamond’s court. At the very least, she was much too prestigious to hang around the desegregated quad, or to parade around without the pearl she must surely have.

“My sector is on our six-hour resting period. M-my barracks has the nocturnal schedule, s-so we wander about during this time--”

With a short glance, Lapis trailed her eyes around, catching sight of the few other misplaced soldiers loitering towards the edges of the quad. Much to the credit of the Quartz’s explanation, they all appeared to be jasper-looking gems like her, agreeing that her sector really was on its break away from the training field.

She bit back a smirk that the soldier had some time to spare, and faced the Quartz again.

“Soldiers here are given so much freedom… Back on Homeworld, they would’ve made sure you Quartzes stay in your barracks when you're not training, fighting, or guarding. Your job is to serve.”

With a stressed crease of her brow, Jasper debated on whether or not she should provide an explanation. Pink Diamond had more liberal tendencies than her diamond sisters, and often mandated her agates and military commanders allow their soldiers to wander about and enjoy the acclimating planet. Especially the newborn Betas like Jasper; they were much too young to see much of it, and Pink Diamond wanted her loyal soldiers _knowing_ what they were fighting for. This was _their_ colony. This was _their_ birth-planet. And, this elite from Blue Diamond’s court was proof to Jasper enough that Homeworld gems didn't understand the value of the planet like she or the other Earth gems did; Pink Diamond fell _in love_ with this world, and she wanted all the gems under her to understand why this world was worth loving. Yet, here this elite was, claiming that the world wasn't something Jasper should be experiencing.

“My apologies. Earth is much unlike Homeworld, in both appearance and policies.” Jasper quietly offered, feeling a bit bad for the elite suffering from the cultural shift.

“‘ _Unlike’_? If I didn't know better, I wouldn't even think this planet is run by _gems_. Just look at you-- they let their soldiers parade around in the filth they left the training field in, and then allow them to mingle among elites… it's _disgusting_.”

The harsh words made Jasper’s shoulders jump, hastily looking down over her arms and legs in sudden anxiety that she was as filthy as Lapis was saying. The barracks had a community bathing room, where the soldiers can go and wash off the grime of training with hard jets of icy water, but most Quartzes put off bathing in favor for spending their free time joking around with one another or wandering the colony; Jasper was no exception, as even she choose to catch the pink sunset in time over taking a shower before she left.

“I-Is my appearance… _inappropriate_??” Jasper slowly asked, hanging her heart on each word, fearful that she wasn't radiating the perfect image of a Quartz at this very moment.

The noble folded her arms over her chest, irritated and highly, before shifting her weight onto her unbruised foot.

“Very. Do they not teach you Quartzes to bathe anymore??”

Nervously, Jasper bit on her lip, taking every word like a personal failure. “They do. My apologies, I-I’ll excuse myself to the barracks and wash myself immediately.”

Stumbling up to her feet, Jasper dropped her diamond salute, hanging her head in shame and she awaited a formal dismissal from the conversation. But, as if Jasper’s despair was amusing, the noble laughed.

“Are you saying I should trust you to _actually_ go back and wash yourself?? No, you're coming with me. I'm gonna watch you myself to make sure you follow through. Last thing I want is you plaguing anyone else with your _filthy_ display.”

The response completely threw Jasper off, and she didn't mean to audibly gasp at it. Surely, her offer was much out of the way, and very much beneath her; Jasper couldn't make sense of this lapis lazuli’s decisions. Why would she want to overlook Jasper bathing herself to make sure she did it right? What incentive did she even have to care??

But, it wasn't like Jasper had the authority to reject the offer. All she could do is reason with this frightening lapis lazuli.

“Your generosity is much appreciated, b-but I think your presence is too high for the barrack’s washing room.”

Another laugh, insincere and shallow.

“Oh, it is. I'm not planning on mingling among your sector’s kind; you'll be coming with me. Elites each have our own private bathing rooms.”

An eerie chill crept under Jasper’s skin, like a blaring alarm that something was off. That doesn't make sense. Why would the elite bring her to her personal bathing room? Why go so out of her way for a lowly Quartz to be cleaned?

“In… I-In the tower…?” Quietly, almost as if it was a question of disbelief, Jasper murmured with an embarrassingly meek drop in her deep voice. Quartzes weren't allowed to enter the elite’s tower, besides on the very rare occasion they were sent to guard a high-ranking gem. Hell, Jasper didn't even know if she had the authorization to accompany an elite to her personal chambers; her youth and lack of experience made her clearance very low, meaning there was a chance that even if this elite really did want Jasper to accompany her to her private bathing room, her own higher-ups might forbid it.

Yet there wasn't a speck of concern in Lapis’ eyes as they rolled in irritation, running short of patience for the Quartz’s confusion and questions.

“ _Yes_ , in the tower. You can borrow my pearl’s clearance ID to enter. She's in a holding chamber currently waiting reformation. The fragile thing poofed a few days back, so it's not like she'll be missing it.”

More alarms went off in Jasper’s head. Pearls were built sturdier than they looked; it wasn't any fun to the gems they served if they dissipate over being slapped around. It takes more than one would think to poof a pearl.

But before Jasper could ask herself what could have possibly happened to the elite’s pearl to get the poor thing to dissipate her form, Lapis was already spinning on her heel, careful to give a guilt-tripping stumble on her sore foot to further Jasper’s heartbreak over the accident.

“Come along now, this isn't a matter of debate. You're coming with me, Quartz-- actually, you're a jasper, right?”

Obediently, despite each step furthering the pit of nerves in her stomach, Jasper trailed behind her as they cut through the quad and approached the tower. She wasn't exactly in a position to _not_ follow her, after all. Orders are orders.

“Y-yes, I'm Jasper facet eight cut--”

“Fantastic. A jasper. The stripes gave it away, but I had to be sure I wasn't getting a weaker caste of Quartz,” she interrupted as she looked over her slender shoulder, barely making a glance through the bouncing fringe of her stygian blue hair as she paced her way to the tower. The dark gleam in her eyes made Jasper nervously bite her lip; this Lapis looked at her so strangely. Almost like her eyes were studying her, taking in her every curve and muscle like a camera taking a photograph. It was even obvious that Lapis didn't even look high enough to quite meet her eyes-- her eyes stayed unusually locked on Jasper’s body, and the Quartz gave a nervous glance at her chest to check if there was more dirt or filth that the elite was noticing. Yet, the chest of her uniform seemed remarkably pristine… what was the elite staring at, then?

“Getting a weaker caste…?” Jasper quietly piped up, unsettled by the elite's odd phrasing. The way she said it almost implied that it _wasn't_ an accident that she tripped over Jasper’s foot.

“Oh, nevermind. You Quartzes aren't built with heads made for thinking, so better not strain yourself over silly questions.” She dismissed with a slight shoo of her hand, hastily shutting down any further inquiries. With a subtle twitch of her lip, Jasper tried to hide her frown of discomfort over Lapis’ attitude.

The entire atmosphere around this elite was unnerving. Borderline cryptic, actually, as if there was something Jasper wasn't directly picking up on.

By the time she reached the tower itself, the unnerving elite guiding her became the least of Jasper’s concerns; almost immediately, the topaz standing guard out front narrowed her eyes in distaste to the young Earth Quartz accompanying the high-ranking gem. But before she could block their path and demand Jasper’s information, Lapis was already reciting a jumble of clearance jargon and codes to her, to which the topaz was quick to grab her recorder and jot the corresponding information down.

“She's substituting for my pearl, ID number eight-seven-thirteen with class D clearance. She's a jasper, facet… uh, what did you say you were?”

Before Jasper could scramble to provide her identification, the topaz was already speaking up.

“Not necessary. Substitutions are permitted without identification, but just try to not make a habit of having them. Elites are given pearls for a reason.” With a rather disinterested glance at them again, the topaz continued typing on her recorder, authorizing that a jasper is being given temporary access to the tower. Within seconds she was finished, and flashed off her recorder before fitting it snug on her belt, giving Lapis an approving nod to continue.

Without missing a beat, the blue gem entered the stone doorway to the tower, and Jasper made a concerned frown as she followed in. They stepped up onto a lifter to bring them to the proper floor, and Lapis dialed in the correct level. Coming to life with a soft rumble, the platform trembled a bit as it began to rise, scaling up the wall in a neat little pocket indented just for it.

The elite gave another glance back at Jasper, and her eyes traveled along her body in another discomforting stare. Quick to stop it, the Quartz nervously spoke up.

“What did you mean by substitution? I-I thought we were coming here for your bathing room.”

As if displeased that Jasper decided to speak, Lapis cut her unnerving gaze off as she rolled her eyes once more, turning back to face ahead of them to watch the floors zip by.

“We are. She just needed to fill out a reason on the form, and it’s easier to say _‘substitution’_ than _‘I’m making sure she actually cleans herself because Quartzes are dirty liars’_. It’s just for the paperwork, Jasper.”

When Jasper heard Lapis actually use her name, she somehow felt even more uncomfortable. The way she spoke was shallow and patronizing, and the jabs she made at Jasper’s caste made her shut her mouth real fast.

Soon enough, the lifter platform came to a lazy halt, lining up precisely with the correct floor so closely that it was hard to find the thin line that separated them. Before the humming engine could even turn off, Lapis was already stepping off and continuing down the corridor, not even bothering to give a look back to check if Jasper was following. Of course, she was, but if Lapis wasn’t careful she just might lose the young Quartz in this confusing tower.

“Ah, here we are.” With a sudden halt, Lapis turn to face one of the doors that looked indistinguishable from the next five doors on either side of it. Jasper had no clue how she was able to recognize it out from the lot.

Fluidly, her fingers danced on the lock-pad keeping the door shut, and after quickly entering the passcode the door slid open welcomingly. After stepping inside, Lapis beaconed Jasper in with one hand as she fumbled for the light dimmer with the other. And just as she found the dial and flooded the room with a pale turquoise light, the Quartz obediently stepped inside, taking in the luxurious chamber that was so spectacular that she would have never had imagine witnessing it in her lifetime.

The pale standard grey walls were adorned with ombre blue drapery, even in places where no windows were placed, with lengths that made the bottom of the curtains pool and bunch up onto the ground. The tops were a stark cerulean, and the fading white tint reaching the tails led to the illusion that the walls were surrounding the room with stand-still waterfalls. Jasper imagined if the windows were open and the elite allowed the planet’s soft breezes to circulate through her room and billow the drapery, then it would bring the waterfalls to life.

All the furniture in the room itself lacked any sharp edges; much akin to the sweep and swell of waves, all her tables, chairs, and couches had a curving and fluid form, making all the furniture seem way more delicate than it probably actually was. The main room seemed more or less a parlor type, and while this was the first Jasper has actually seen one with her own two eyes, she did know that elites had these decorative rooms meant for chatter and relaxation. The west wall broke off to a hallway leading elsewhere, while the east was occupied by two narrow, wide-panel doors. Immediately, as if she hadn’t noticed that Jasper was soaking up the luxurious room in awe, Lapis began making her way toward the closer east door. With a startle, Jasper snapped out of it, and followed behind without trying to give the room another hungry glance-- no point in tempting her mind that she would ever have the privilege of touching anything in this room, after all. She was meant to sit in the elite’s washroom with her, and scrub herself clean with Lapis’ eyes taking evidence that Jasper was actually keeping to her word of washing herself.

The washroom had a more mellow style, and much dimmer lights; almost like the Earth sky when it was swarmed with clouds, fading and muting the sun’s light into a greyish and toned-down hue. The actual shower-- at least, Jasper assumes it was a shower, despite it looking much different than the ones she had seen for mass bathing in the soldiers’ barracks-- was stone tiled and wide, taking up nearly half the room, and coming with a stone seating along the walls that the shower floor met. The actual water itself must’ve come from the central head above, and when the elite switch another dial close by the light switch, the roof of the shower woke up with an easy downpour much reminiscent of rainfall.

The whole room hummed with a serene patter of the rain-like shower, and Jasper had a hard time imagining how the hard icy jets of water at the barrack’s washrooms were considered the same thing.

When Jasper uneasily looked back to the elite, she saw a wide smirk on her face, and the young Quartz tried her best to not to look away in discomfort from it.

“Go on. _Strip_.” Lapis egged on, still wearing her eerie smile and throwing a gesture to Jasper’s uniform. It was so unusual to Jasper when the elite kept her eyes eagerly running along her body, like there was a hungry anticipation to see her skin and stripes underneath. It didn’t make the slightest sense to Jasper, and perhaps if Lapis was as casual and uninterested to Jasper undressing like how the rest of the soldiers are in the washroom, then the Quartz would’ve flashed off her uniform without a second thought.

Yet, every time Jasper summoned the energy to flash her uniform off, she caught Lapis’ unnerving eyes with her own, and a horrible feeling in her gut begged Jasper to keep her clothes on a little longer. It was hard to describe, but there was something in the back of Jasper’s head telling her she wouldn’t want to feed into those hungry eyes staring at her. Taunting them seemed dangerous, even though Jasper hadn’t the slightest clue what she should really fear from the elite.

Why was she so afraid? It was a haunting feeling, to fear something so specific yet not knowing why. All Jasper knew was there was something more to the elite’s desire to watch her bathe, something that Jasper wasn’t old or experienced enough to really comprehend.

Noticing her hesitation, Lapis’ smile dropped, and her expression twisted with a hint of frustration.

“Don’t you _dare_ pretend you didn’t just hear me. You’re about to get the privilege of bathing in an elite’s washroom, something a lowly little Quartz like you would never even _dream_ about. So take off your fucking clothes before my generosity _runs out_.”

The harsh words crawled under Jasper’s skin, burning in shame for her blatant disobedience. Lapis was right; this is a _privilege_ , and the fact Jasper even expressed this much disobedience so far is a horrible mar on her track record of loyalty and obedience. Immediately, Jasper corrected herself, and ignored all the blaring alarms in the back of her head to the elite’s behavior.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m very lucky you would allow me this honor… I-I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful.” With a submission bow of her head, Jasper raised her hand to her chest, lightly tapping her uniform as a formality before it zipped off with a flash of light.

The smirk on the elite’s face resurfaced in a heartbeat, and she made a soft ‘mmn’ of approval to encourage the Quartz’s exposure. Despite a warming steam already hovering around the shower’s floor, Jasper still shivered when her bare skin met the air, and nervously kept her head down as she took a step towards the rainy downpour at the room’s center.

“Ah, not so fast--” Lapis cut in, grabbing at Jasper’s arm to keep her back. Almost yelping in surprise to the first instance the elite has actually touched her, the Quartz stopped dead in her tracks, completely caught off-guard that a gem as high ranking as Lapis would actually touch a soldier like her. She slightly turned towards her, barely bringing her head up high enough to look at the small blue gem.

Before Jasper could ask the reason for delay, two tiny blue hands reached up and gripped harshly into her breasts.

Making a short noise of startle, Jasper watched as Lapis grabbed and groped around her breasts, oddly keeping strictly on them rather than grabbing at her shoulders or stomach too. It left the dumbfound Quartz at a complete lost for words; to her, her breasts were just like any other part of her body. But the elite’s harsh (and borderline painful) grabbing treated it like there was some reward to touching them. Her dark navy eyes stayed fixed on them in glee, and her tiny fingers dug into them so hard that Jasper was sure it was going to leave a few bruises-- but, soldiers are supposed to be strong, and so she held back a little noise of hurt at the pain and sensitivity.

When Lapis finally let go, she wore a wide content smile as she stepped back, running her eyes up and down Jasper’s body.

“ _Sooo_ much softer than a pearl… Those tiny things have hardly anything to put your hands on,” a single hand reached out, and much gentler than before, cupped under the mound of one of Jasper’s breast, enjoying the weight sitting onto her palm. “How could these _not_ be meant to be touched? Surely they don’t help you soldiers out on the battlefield…”

Subtly, Jasper couldn’t help but slightly lean away. It didn’t feel very good when the elite groped at them, and she hoped if she moved things along then Lapis might not do that again.

“C-can I step in the shower now?” Piping up nervously, Jasper just barely managed to break those devouring eyes off her once more. This time, however, it didn’t seem to upset Lapis.

“Of course. Go ahead and get yourself nice and wet, and I’ll grab you some stuff.”

Much to the Quartz’s relief, Lapis stepped away and began fumbling with some of the cloths, bottles, and objects sitting up on an indented shelf in the wall, while Jasper padded up into the warming stream of water.

Stepping in ran a shiver of absolute delight over her skin.

It was so… nice. She shut her eyes for a moment, almost forgetting the room was occupied by someone else, and let the warming droplets run down her skin and ease up her muscles. Thoughtlessly, her hand brushed back her short hair, finding its volume damped as she pulled a lock through her fist to expel the excess water. In a moment, the gentle showers had soaked her hair one more, and Jasper gave a peaceful smile that the running water was warm and gentle, instead of icy and hard. It was unlike any other shower she's had in her short existence.

“Aren’t you glad I let you bathe here?” Lapis cooed, refocusing Jasper’s distracted mind as she blinked her bright golden eyes in response. Dropping her gaze down, she saw a handful of items in the elite’s arms, most of which she knew the purpose of but never had the privilege of using. A small cloth, a sponge-looking scrubber, two bottles (one was larger and around the width of Lapis’ arm with a whitish soapy-like substance inside, but the other one was much smaller with what looked to be clear gel), and a thick pale turquoise rod that was rounded at one end but not the other. It was probably a few inches shy of being a foot long, and Jasper hadn’t the slightest of clue what its purpose was.

“Very, my presence here is unequal.” Jasper obediently supplied, just as the elite sat down on the floor and began setting the objects down. It was rather unusual she was letting her clothes get wet, but lapis lazulis are gifted with the control of water, so Jasper simply accepted that she could probably instantaneously dry her clothes off afterward anyway.

After getting comfortable on the ground, she patted the space next to her, making an odd wet slapping noise from striking against the puddle on the ground.

“Come on, sit down. I figured you’re inexperienced with bathing accessories, so I thought I should help you out.”

Another pit of discomfort swarmed around in her gut, and despite sitting down criss-cross next to her to obey, Jasper hadn’t the slightest of desire for Lapis to help her. She kept going unusually out of her way to do stuff, all the way from inviting Jasper to her personal washroom to offering to help Jasper bathe herself. It was too strange, too _unnecessary_ … and Jasper had a horrible feeling in her stomach whenever she caught Lapis’ dark navy eyes taking in another long gaze over her naked body.

Already moving straight to her demonstration, Lapis opened the larger bottle and squirted a pool of the soapy substance onto the cloth she brought, before setting the bottle down and immediately pressing the cloth onto Jasper’s stomach without warning, ignoring the Quartz’s little noise of surprise that she was so forward with physical contact. To Jasper’s knowledge, the higher-ups are repulsed by contact from low-ranking gems, and generally just the mere closeness of touch between them was frowned upon. But Lapis seemed more than eager to have her hands on Jasper.

For a few seconds, she lazily scrubbed in figure-eights, very lightly and carelessly. Jasper didn’t understand why she wasn’t actually trying to scrub hard enough to thoroughly wash her skin, but before she could fret over it, Lapis was already moving off her stomach. Yet, to Jasper’s utmost misfortune, it was to begin scrubbing right on her breasts.

Now, she began going a bit harder, and Jasper tried to hide her whimper of sensitivity when the elite repeatedly dragged the soapy cloth back and forth over her nipples. It was so focused and exclusive as Lapis brushed repeatedly back and forth over them, and she barely broke out another smirk when she found the young Quartz’s nipples began to harden under the repeated friction.

Although it didn’t hurt too badly, the mere sensitivity was enough to make Jasper incredibly uncomfortable with Lapis’ attention on her breasts. Surely, there was more to clean than them, and besides, her uniform covers them from getting too dirty during training to begin with. Why was she focusing so much on them? Why was she… smiling like she _enjoyed_ bathing her?

Suddenly, taking things a little too far for Jasper, Lapis caught one of her nipples between two fingers through the cloth, and pinched down. _Hard_.

“Ah--!” Jasper squeaked as she reflexively recoiled from the painful pinch, pulling back and defensively covering her breasts with one arm. The elite looked a little surprised she actually pulled away, and Jasper was quick to voice her discomfort to Lapis’ strange behavior.

“ _Stop_!! I… I-I don’t think bathing is supposed to be like _this_!!!” She rubbed one of her nipples to ease the sore sting, and meekly knit her brow to convey she was trying to disobey in the most respectful way possible. “I’m grateful for all the generosity you have given me, but I… I wish to request that I finish bathing myself without aid. I-I’ll clean thoroughly and full, but… b-but _please_ allow me to do so by myself.”

Lapis was silent. When Jasper looked up, she found a livid furrow dipping her brow and kindling in her navy irises-- suddenly, the young Quartz was regretting opening up her mouth at all, and already began to get watery-eyed at the realization that she was being a disobedient soldier. By the time Lapis finally lashed out, Jasper was already prematurely trembling.

“ARE YOU FUCKING _KIDDING_ ME???” A hard palm slammed up on Jasper’s sternum, but the impact ended up being more of a painful slap than an actual slam to the ground like Lapis intended. She growled that the Quartz was so large and heavy, and gripped hard onto her broad shoulders to shove back more forcefully, like an unspoken command for Jasper to go down. And, tears in her eyes and ready to obediently receive what she assumed to be a punishment beating, Jasper followed the momentum and whimpered as she smacked her back against the stone ground and let the blunt impact quake through her body. Her eyes squeezed shut and she tensed; Jasper had seen her Beta sisters be beaten and punished enough times to expect a fist to her face or a water whip to her body, but instead, she was meant with more piercing words.

“YOU THINK YOUR BODY IS SO _SPECIAL_ THAT AN ELITE TEN TIMES YOUR RANK CAN’T TOUCH IT?? YOU’RE A FUCKING _DISGRACE_ TO WHAT QUARTZES REPRESENT!!”

Those young tender emotions got the best of her, and Jasper could help the sloppy tears running over her flushed cheeks in response to the worse words she has ever heard directed at her. It didn’t make sense, why was this elite being so unreasonable, Jasper really didn’t like this and she just wanted the elite to stop touching her...

Lapis leaned over the shaken Quartz, blocking the stream of water as she gripped her hand into the stone ground next to Jasper’s head with one hand, and spitefully dragged her other along her body. Jasper assumed she was going to punch her in the gut, or perhaps trail up high enough to wrap her slender fingers around her throat, but instead those malicious fingers dug back into the tender flesh of her breast again. With another painful, confused whimper, Jasper rapidly shook her head.

“I-I’m _sorry_!! I’m just… I’m just so confused… I-I don’t understand, I’ve never bathed in a way that hurts before, a-and I’m just a little… I-I’m…”

Choking up, Jasper brought both her hands up to her face, and sobbed into them; she knew crying out of pain was a sign of weakness, and it wasn’t appropriate to show. But, everything was just so jarring that she didn’t know what to do, so she buried her face in her hands and just cried in hopeless confusion.

Lapis sighed, realizing Jasper was already starting to see this encounter as a bad thing. She wasn’t thinking of it as bathing. Perhaps Lapis was too blunt, too obvious with her intentions, that despite Jasper’s lack of knowledge of what sex is, she was still able to pick up on the unusual atmosphere just from Lapis’ attitude alone.

“If it was hurting you should have told me,” she began with a stern voice, a lot less aggressive but still shifting the blame of Jasper’s pain off her. “I can make it feel better, you know, and all you had to do was ask…”

Those nimble little fingers pinched around the young Quartz’s nipple again, slightly twisting and pressing it, although with an effort to be gentle enough so that she hoped Jasper wouldn’t reject it. If confusion was what made Jasper fight back, then Lapis was going to take baby-steps with her to get what she wants.

Jasper barely peeked through her thick fingers, watching the rage on Lapis’ face melted away with a softer expression. And, just the fear of having that rage return sparked her to express compliance, just out of terror of not being an obedient soldier to the elite.

“I can make it feel even _better_ … Don’t you want that? Wouldn’t that sound nice?”

Sneaking out from behind her hands, meek and timidly biting her trembling lip, Jasper nodded her head.

Lapis gave another wide smirk, and released Jasper’s breast to grope around at the floor. When her hand returned, it had that turquoise rod in it, and the Quartz felt a question in the back of her throat begging to know what the object was, but her fear kept it down.

Flipping the switch at the base, the rod started softly buzzing, and it took Jasper a moment to realize that it wasn’t playing the noise; it was vibrating, fast enough to make a humming sound.

Her confusion got the best of her, and Jasper spoke up anyway.

“Wh-what is that?”

Lapis nearly stifled a chuckle. “It’s a tool only elites are allowed to have. But I’m gonna be very nice and let you use it, just so you can ease into this better.”

“Ease into _what…_?”

“That’s not important. What’s important is that you follow along. You don’t want to be a bad soldier, now do you?”

A hard drop went down Jasper’s chest, but she shook her head in fear.

“N-no, no. I’ll be _good_.”

Another eerie smile, that made her stomach twist into a knot. Lapis’ lips drew back, narrow and barely ghosting out a single word.

“Good.”

Suddenly, Jasper felt something blindly press onto her stomach, and quickly realized it was the vibrating object. Swallowing down her nerves, she let the small gem climb lower down her body, slowly dragging the buzzing rod with her.

It tickled wherever it touched. Down her stomach, over her belly button, between her hip bones, over the bush of hair between her legs, and then--

“AH--!” Jasper unintentionally jerked her hips away when Lapis pressed the vibrating rod between the soft lips she had between her legs, the sensation being hypersensitive and foreign. Never in her existence has she felt something make that spot between her legs tingly, and Jasper’s young mind tried to scramble together an explanation to why her body felt like that. It wasn’t a feeling she had before, it wasn’t anything she knew how to handle.

“Hm, too much?” Although Lapis contemplated for a split second that she should turn the intensity down, she quickly decided against it. This was just supposed to get the inexperienced gem wet for her, so that Jasper would fight her less later.

Without letting the flustered Quartz a moment to process the entirely new feeling, she was already pushing the vibrating rod up between her folds again, setting it snug under Jasper’s hood and holding it still for the sensation to sink in.

“Th-that… why d-does that… f-feel like that…?”

Chuckling at Jasper’s huffy question of bewilderment, Lapis rocked the tip of the vibrator up and down on her, watching her hips squirm with the desire to pull away but instead pushing back against it to keep the warming tingle between her legs from extinguishing.

"Shh, don't worry about it, just... sit back and enjoy yourself, got it? It'll be easier in the long run."

Consumed by the foreign feeling in her body, Jasper was overcome with the desire to rock on it. To heat up that warm tingle. To keep it going.

She didn’t understand these feelings, or why she was feeling them. It was strange, and needy, and maybe even a little bit good. But not in a natural way; it was like these feelings were invaders to her body, ones that she didn’t invite and she didn’t know how to get rid of. And, it was that inexperience and confusion that made her weak against these new sensations, and she found her hips raising to push the rod up a little higher, a little closer to a hungry spot on her.

Lapis picked up on the needy tilt, and realize Jasper was trying to get it on her clit. Not like the Quartz knew that, not like she actually knew its name or knew that it was the most sensitive bundle of nerves on her body. All she knew was it was the hungriest spot wanting to be touched, and when Lapis complying slid the tip up on it, Jasper found a strange noise stealing her vocals for a moment.

“Aaaa…” As soon as the noise came out, Jasper smacked her lips shut, worrying that it might offend or upset the elite. But when she looked up, Lapis’ dark navy eyes were lidded and alight, and the corner of her mouth was barely twitching with a sly smile.

“You like that, you little whore? Look how desperate you’re getting…”

An odd mix of aggression and enjoyment was woven in Lapis’ tone, and Jasper made an uncomfortable groan, rocking her hips up on the rod nonetheless. She didn’t know what ‘whore’ meant. She knew what desperate meant though, and put into this context… Was she _not_ suppose to be feeling like this?

Embarrassed, and suddenly ashamed that she kept wanting to encourage that warm tingle between her legs, Jasper whimpered and dropped her hips. But, narrowing her eyes at Jasper’s drop of participation, Lapis forcefully pushed it up under her clitoral hood and began giving it a jagged and fast rock back and forth.

The stimulation flood Jasper’s nerves, overwhelming to the point where it teetered on being pain.

“WAIT, wait…” The voice was Jasper’s, but she didn’t realize she was saying it; it was just a sudden influx of rejection to the stimulation that stole her voice for a moment. That warmth felt numbing, tingling all the way down to her toes. The actual sensation kept making her try to reflexively jerk away from the overstimulation, but every time she got that rod off herself Lapis would just move to shove it right back where it was again.

Too much. Too too much. The tingle wasn’t good anymore. Some inner muscles between her legs that Jasper has never recalled using before begin to clench, as if trying to pull away. The buzzing feeling was pulling her up into a storm of something big, something that zipped through her whole body as it approached.

“S-stop stop stop-- _PLEASE_ , I-I… _Aaa…_ ” Jasper was half aware she was even speaking, desperately trying to push herself back on her hands but finding the water slipping her hands out every time she tried.

Dazed, she looked up at Lapis, pleading and helpless. It was too much. The tingle was _way_ too much.

But all Lapis did back was flash her another wide smile, blatantly obvious that she knew what she was doing. Like she was _pleased_ that Jasper was being overstimulated into the realm of pain.

And then, unexpectedly, the feeling got blinding for a moment. Throwing her head back and arching her back, her body was overcome with some surreal high, and Jasper let out an empty gasp at the terrifying and sensitive state seizing her body.

And, just as she barely begin to feel that state fade from her body, and Jasper began to bring her mind back down to reality, she noticed that Lapis has finally removed the rod from between her legs, and switched it back off.

The young Quartz choked, tears beading her eyes from the intense experience and body left feeling exhausted and hypersensitive.

“W-what was that…? Why-- Why did my body feel like _that_???”

She heard a clank, assumingly Lapis putting the rod back onto the floor. In her unusual fatigue, Jasper didn’t even bother bringing her head down; she kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling, mouth blankly agape in complete exhaustion. Faintly, she heard some wet slapping against the shower ground-- and, Jasper barely registered that it was the elite taking off her own clothes too.

“That was an orgasm, or at least it sure looks like it was… Didn’t it feel nice?” Jasper heard a heavy weight in Lapis’ voice, like she was in a daze of her own. And, fearful of being considered ungrateful, the young Quartz quickly lied as she gave her head a slow nod, despite not knowing what Lapis even meant by ‘orgasm’. Perhaps some parts felt a little good, but the whole experience was so jarring and confusing that it left a sour feeling in Jasper’s gut. She didn’t really like this thing, an ‘orgasm’.

Lapis accepted her nod without question, nonetheless.

“Good, that’s good… So you understand that it means you got to return the favor, right?”

Another shot of alarm jolt through Jasper’s loose, fatigued body. Startled, her head came down, and she saw the elite naked and pushing herself to fit between Jasper’s legs, holding a strange appendage in her hand that was right between her thighs. Why did Lapis have that odd appendage? What did she mean by returning the favor…?

“... I was even nice enough to get you all wet and ready, so don’t throw a fit when I stick it in…”

Jasper sucked in a fearful breath, as Lapis shifted to get her hips align with hers, and her head began racing. Where was Lapis going to stick something inside her? Was she going to stab her??

But, the meaning suddenly changed in her head when a small blue hand began toying with that sensitive soft spot between her legs. Suddenly, Jasper’s confusion increased tenfold-- was Lapis going to stab that soft spot? It wasn’t like there was anything ‘in’ that she could stick something inside, right?? Jasper never really wandered her hands down there, nor did she even directly see what it looks like… Wasn’t it just all soft fleshy folds?

“Good soldiers know how to handle pain, right Jasper?? Don’t pull away when it starts hurting. Good soldiers _take it_.”

Her throat felt dry. Dumbfounded and helpless, Jasper whimpered, feeling that firm appendage press up between her legs, reminding Jasper she was still sensitive down there.

“I-I don’t understand…” Jasper croaked, still ten chapters behind Lapis and having no clue what she was about to do. The elite blinked, having the Quartz’s complete ignorance of sex finally sink in, and realized she was going to be in for a real treat.

“Oh, Jasper…” Lapis cooed, just as she pulled back her hips.

“...You’re about to have the privilege of _fucking an elite_.”

With that, she rammed forward, and that sensitive soft part between her legs scorned with blinding pain, seizing Jasper’s entire body as her insides felt like they were ripping open.

Jasper didn’t even realize she started screaming. Lapis pulled back out, and just as Jasper thought that meant the attack was over, Lapis was already thrusting back in. It felt like she was tearing _everything_ in her path to get inside.

Jasper wanted to get away. She wanted to push that elite off her, she wanted to stop the searing pain between her legs. She wanted to end this _right now_.

But her muscles were numb, and her body didn’t listen. Lapis had told her that good soldiers take it.

And Jasper knew she can _never_ be a bad soldier.


	2. Keep On The Balaclava

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ordeal leaves Jasper utterly confused, and she reaches out to Lapis for an explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished this chapter in some spare time I had this week, got some places I want this to go and I'm gonna get it there.  
> I wanted to mix Jasper's personality with outstanding obedience and compliance towards her superiors, and disrespect towards practically everyone else. A lot of displaced aggression and all that jazz, that'll hopefully start resembling the current canon Jasper more and more with each chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

The water kept pouring. While Jasper thought it felt warm and enlightening when it first touched her skin, it was now nothing but cruel and aggressive, hitting in her eyes if she looked up at Lapis wrong and filling the room with a horrible bassline to the beat of Lapis’ pounding.

_Slap, slap, slap, slap…_

Close to a tempo, but not quite. Lapis would lose her pacing sometimes; her thrusts will become sporadic and chaotic, and Jasper might faintly catch what sounded like a frustrated groan as Lapis dug her fingers into the Quartz’s wide hips, trying to slip back into a pseudo-rhythm so erratically that she stabbed into all the wrong parts of Jasper’s insides while she tried.

It hurt. It hurt so _bad_.

Jasper couldn’t remember when she stopped screaming, but at a certain point she was catching too much shower water in her mouth and started sputtering to make a noise. Choking, crying, mingling the tears on her cheeks with both saliva and shower water as she purled and coughed for air. Not air to breath, air to scream.

Slap. Slap. _Slap_.

Tearing. It felt like _tearing_. 

Jasper’s been cut in battle. Been beaten and bled and bruised up so much that more skin was purple than orange. But this didn’t feel _anything_ like the pain of battle.

The softness inside her felt tender and sensitive, a place so secretive and private that Jasper’s own hands have never touched. Yet just from feeling how jarring and utterly _agonizing_ it felt for Lapis to be in there, Jasper couldn’t quite tell whether that inner hole on herself was something natural she’s never noticed inside the fleshy pink folds between her legs, or a wound Lapis tore right into her to assault her inners through.

For all she knew, the pain was so blinding that the elite gem could’ve shredded a gash into her and have been thrusting into her organs this whole time, and Jasper wouldn’t know the difference. 

Confusion and pain didn’t go well together.

Panting, disoriented and delirious from the neverending drilling between her legs, Jasper vainly gripped into the ground, pretending like it could help stabilize her as the momentum pressed her bare back into the cold stone behind her. How long has this been going on? How long ago did she stop screaming?

It didn’t feel quite real. Whenever Jasper blinked, the darkness behind her eyes seemed to mix ever-so-slightly with the image of Lapis above her, leaning over her with a clouded haze lighting up her dark navy eyes, and a shaky bite on her bottom lip that just barely concealed the corners of her frenzied smile.

_Slap, slap, slap, slap--_

The water failed to hit into Jasper's eyes as she accidentally locked them onto Lapis’-- just for a moment, just for one _sickening_ moment before she squeezed them shut and let out the most shameful whimper she has ever heard from herself. 

Utterly pathetic. Jasper scolded herself in her head, finding nobody to blame but herself. An elite would _never_ be in the wrong; this wouldn't be hurting so bad if Jasper was a stronger soldier. 

Good soldiers are supposed to take this, according to Lapis; to stand strong with little to no reaction in the face of pain. But stars, it was _too much_ \-- and Lapis’ eyes, they were… they were so _clear_ and _focused_ that the image of them seared into the back of Jasper’s skull like a branding.

She knew what she was doing. Whatever this was, whatever kind of elaborate torture or punishment this is that Jasper couldn’t grasp in the slightest, was something Lapis _knew_ she was doing to her. And there was some kind of nauseating clench in Jasper’s gut to think of it, to think that she was drowning in pain and confusion with Lapis just… looking at her like _that_.

Her teeth grit tight, and eyes press shut so close that it left a strained furrow on her brow, angled down harsh with bitter agony. Another pathetic noise strained weakly out the back of her throat, despite Jasper desperately trying to suppress anything that sounded of weakness, already ashamed of her delirious screaming and sobbing towards the beginning that she just couldn't help.

How much longer will this go on? Shouldn't the punishment, the torture, the _this_ … be over now? 

Jasper weakly batted her eyes, the shower water hitting them hard as she vaguely caught the frenzied silhouette above her.

Another groan. The insides, _her_ insides, felt mushy and raw, and downright alight with pain at every minuscule movement Lapis made.

_Slap, slap, slap--_

“AAUH!!” Loud and jarringly sudden, Lapis filled the room with a disgustingly delighted moan, and curled in low towards the frozen Quartz beneath her as she spastically twitched her hips. Nothing like the thrusts; it was weak and fleeting, and Jasper vaguely felt somewhat of a pulsating throb inside her. The sensation was almost shocking, considering how numbingly scorched her insides felt.

A halt. While she didn't pull her appendage out, Lapis’ hips ceased movement, and she made another lower, satisfied groan. 

In comparison to the splitting pain, the cease was a relief. Mouth agape, Jasper emptily gasped, like catching the first moment of calm after the roar and bash of battle. 

Without warning, the elite collapsed onto her in exhaustion, panting as she nuzzled her cheek into the mound of Jasper’s breast. She kept sheathed inside, yet there was a finality to the horror; some part of Jasper relaxed in bittersweet relief. It was over.

The water kept pouring, yet it somehow seemed slower to Jasper now. She didn't notice her lip was trembling as she sucked in a draw of air, disregarding the water that flooded her lungs with it. She didn't notice her fingertips were numb and her palms were cramping until she retracted her hands from desperately gripping against the stone flooring. She didn't notice that while she had stopped sobbing after the first initial moments, fat tears were still sliding down her face, like a silent mourning one would do when a tragedy is unavoidable. 

After a few more self-indulgent moments of nuzzling against Jasper’s breasts, bringing her hand up to occasionally fiddle with the Quartz’s nipples and lazily twist and tug at them as if she wanted to exploit every last second with her little play-thing as possible, Lapis finally sighed. 

Her hands slapped up against the wet ground, and she pushed herself up-- and out-- of Jasper, ignoring the obvious undignified yelp the Quartz made when the invading appendage was tugged out of her body in a single motion. It momentarily reawoke the fresh abuse lining her insides, and she felt her body wail in protest to the ever-so-slight friction.

“Mmmn, that wasn't too bad, was it? You stop screaming pretty fast-- must've felt good once you relaxed, hm?” Cooing, like she was blind to Jasper’s agony this whole ordeal, Lapis sat back, still lodged right in between Jasper’s thighs to have the best vantage point of taking the sight in.

Jasper was still panting, still crying, still trembling at her lip with two blown-up golden eyes stuck pitifully on the gem before her. Her hands were no longer clingy to the ground; they found idle comfort in clutching onto her own stomach, holding around tight like the injuries within were severe enough to burst through her skin with the slightest of strain. 

“I-is m-my punishment… ov… _over_?” Jasper croaked, with a voice so worn and low that it subtly hid the crackled stress of her throat from her initial screaming.

Lapis’ pleased smile abruptly dropped, and her eyes narrowed in distaste.

“That wasn't a fucking _punishment_ , you ungrateful little _whore_.”

The words made Jasper’s heart drop into her stomach, torn and sensitive like the rest of her insides.

“B-but it _hurt._ It hurts s-so much, m-my… my physical form is _damaged_ \--”

“Then maybe you should’ve fucking _relaxed_. I made sure you were sopping wet before I began, so don't you dare whine that your cunt hurts.” Pushing herself up to stand, Lapis crossed her arms bitterly as she looked down at Jasper in disappointment, before stepping over her thigh and letting the battered Quartz finally pressed her legs closed.

She kept using words Jasper didn't know. _Whore_ , _cunt_ … they all sounded ugly and harsh on Lapis’ tongue.

Jasper just barely caught a glimpse of the appendage Lapis donned between her legs-- it was unusually heavy-looking and thick with a tapered end, all shined slick with blood-- before a flash of light shifted it back into her body.

The afterimage of blood burned beneath Jasper’s eyes, and with a weak turn of her head, she looked towards the drain in the shower room’s center.

It had a long stream of pinkish red swirling around, and Jasper’s eyes barely followed it to the source. The blood beneath her, dark like stygian red around her thighs, constantly replaced what the shower water continuously washed away almost instantaneously. 

Jasper bit onto her shaky bottom lip, and her eyes watered up again.

“Y-you said I'd be _clean_ …” her eyes dragged up, defeated and lost as she looked to the elite, the superior by-default who Jasper prayed would guide her back to sanity, “I-I’m even _more_ dirty, I-I just don't understand, I don't know what to _do_ \--”

She heaved, breaking out a loud disgraceful sob as she vainly reached up towards Lapis, outreaching her arms desperately but not knowing what quite for.

Taken aback by the sudden reminder she lured Jasper here all with the pretext that this was going to be a shower, Lapis had an anxious pang in her chest; not quite fully of sympathy, but more of panic over how she's going to clean up her sloppy job. Although, she can’t deny looking at a newborn soldier crumble in confusion and pain didn’t make her feel the slightest bit bad for her.

“Shh, hey there, good soldiers shouldn't cry--” rather than scolding, Lapis took to a softer voice, trying to do damage control on the hysteric mess she was going to have to clean up and get coherent before she turns her back into the barracks.

“For your first time, you did good! First-timers always scream a bit, so don't think you didn't do a great job just now,” kneeling down, she gave Jasper an affectionate pat on the shoulder; something she's seen agates give to their soldiers to express praise. “Think of it like coming out of a battle. It hurts really bad, and you're gonna be a bit sore afterwards… but you did a _good thing_ by sticking through to the end. Homeworld would be _proud_ to know they have such a _loyal_ and _dedicated_ soldier.”

Those keywords lit up all those deeply programmed parts of Jasper's mind, and a sudden pride churned in her stomach, just barely triumphing over the surface of singeing pain splitting up between her legs. Tearing still rolling down her cheeks along with the shower water intermingling with it, Jasper heaved quietly a few more times. Her eyes went big, pupils blown up within the borders of her irises to those special words that make all her innate Quartz instincts chime in delight.

Good. Loyal. Dedicated.

Steadying out her breathing, she rolled to her side, alighting another sore shock of pain through her insides while doing so. With less composure than she would've liked, she struggled to push up, trying her best not to groan in pain.

After sitting up, she caught sight of the fresh streams of blood running into the drain, and then looked blankly towards the kneeling elite next to her, still struggling to process what exactly even happen. Part of her wished to dismiss such curiosity; whatever she did, she did _right_. Lapis said she was a _good_ soldier.

“I-is this... just another thing Quartzes do? Like battles and training?” Hearing the painfully obvious obliviousness in Jasper’s voice, Lapis’ lips momentarily twitched into a frown, before forcing out another smile and bringing her hand up to affectionately stroke the Quartz’s cheek.

“No, it's not a normal thing for Quartzes to do. Only a special few will ever have the privilege, and you get to be one of them.” Jasper emptily blinked back at her, and Lapis quickly struggled for another comparison that she would easily understand. “Imagine the most important battle in a war, the final one that seals Homeworld’s victory. Not every soldier gets to be in that very battle, but the ones that do are very special, aren't they?”

Lights went off in Jasper’s eyes, and the easy yet misleading connections snapped into place in her young head, to which she rapidly nodded.

“You're one of them. What you did with me was something most Quartzes will never have the honor of doing in their _lifetime_. You gave pleasure to an elite in an exciting, exclusive way.”

More trickles of confusion played on Jasper’s features. “Pleasure? What you were doing felt… _good_?”

In Jasper’s mind, she saw the ordeal similar to a punishment beating by an agate to a disobedient soldier; the soldier is in pain, but her superior is in a relatively neutral state, merely doing what's necessary. 

But Lapis was quick to dismiss that notion when she nodded in approval to Jasper’s observation.

“Oh yes, it felt to me how that vibrating tool felt to you. You see, Jasper,” she leaned in, snaking a hand once more between Jasper’s thighs and cupping over her swollen vulva, “there's a pleasantly warm little pocket right here that feels absolutely _divine_ to be inside of, but I'm sure you've never explored down there yourself, have you?”

Jasper blinked again, twice this time. Trying her best to keep to that golden title of a good soldier, she resisted the urge to recoil or hiss in distaste to the sensitive touch. Instead, she shook her head, and slightly knit her brow in confusion.

“Hmm, well it’s right _here_ , to be exact,” gently, Lapis traced her finger around the circumference of Jasper’s entrance, and the Quartz unintentionally groaned in soreness from the touch, but not before the point was made. “--and when I put my dick in there, it feels really _really_ good.”

“Y-your _what_...?”

Lapis smirked, finding amusement in Jasper’s ignorance. At least her confusion made it easier to get her to comply; if her superiors had given her any sexual education prior to this ordeal, then that could've caused Jasper to outright resist and report Lapis’ sexual advances to her commanding agate immediately, finding outrage that an elite was treating a soldier like her as she would a common pearl. Whether or not the report would do any real damage to Lapis is a different question, but at the very least it'll certainly be a hassle if Pink Diamond catches ear of one of her loyal soldiers being ravaged by a visiting elite.

But since this was all new information to Jasper, Lapis could write the script however she pleases. And the more natural and normal she makes this sound to Jasper, the more the Quartz will feel stupid and shameful for resisting and screaming. 

“My dick? It was the organ I shapeshifted between my legs. I could get into the semantics of how it works, but I'm sure you understand-- I put it inside that warm little pocket you have, and it feels _really_ good. So, by laying back and letting me use that pocket you have down there, you are serving and pleasuring an elite in a way that should make you proud.”

Although Jasper’s eyes flickered, still struggling to process Lapis’ vague and incomplete sex education, she nodded nonetheless. It was something that she should be proud of, apparently...

Softly, she barely bit her plump lip as she gave a weak smile of fleeting dignity.

“So… it's like an accomplishment? Like something to boast about because the other soldiers haven't done it?” She held the smile, albeit with the obvious attempt to downplay the bit of honor it filled her with, as she looked up hopefully at Lapis. 

Yet alarm widened Lapis’ dark navy eyes, and she stuttered abruptly. 

“N-no, no, you don't tell _anyone_. This was a private affair in an elite’s personal chamber, Jasper. That's like… t-that's like the Diamonds themselves telling you a secret, and you going around and sharing it with everyone. It's an honor, but you keep it to _yourself_.”

Although Jasper suddenly frowned in disappointment, she accepted the suspicious condition without a second thought, despite the little buzz of discomfort the whole idea stirred at the bottom of her stomach. But she pretended it wasn’t there; after all, she did good. That's all that matters. She was a good soldier, she made Homeworld proud by serving this elite today. However painful and confusing it might have been.

Interrupting her thoughts, a familiar loud chime faintly echoed in the distance, and Jasper jumped in recognition to the noise. It was the barrack’s announcement bell, signally the end of the resting period and warning the off-duty soldiers that they had ten minutes to be properly dressed and ready on the training field in their designated row.

A horrible cascade of dread fell over Jasper. The elite’s tower was at _least_ a ten minute walk to the training field by itself.

Panicked, she jumped up on her feet; only, the moment she strained herself to do so caused a fiery split of pain right between her legs and up into her abdomen, and with a whine of sensitivity she immediately lost footing and fell to her knees, slumping her weight onto her hands and biting back a hiss of pain to maintain her mouldering image of Quartz stoicism. Lapis was by her side in a moment, pushing her hand down hard on Jasper's shoulder like a silent recommendation she ought to not walk just yet.

“I can't believe this, I-I’m going to be late!” She barked surprisingly harsh at Lapis, her manners clouded over with terror and a newfound anger scorning the elite from taking her aside for this painful ordeal. With a split second of guilt over her disrespectful attitude, Jasper pushed up to try and stand again. Just as she padded her feet beneath her, the pain seized up her abdomen again, and she bitterly whimpered as she stumbled toward the wall. The moment she grasped it, she panted in incredible fatigue, and looked down over her bare body to find her inner thighs slick and red with blood.

Her chest clenched, and her lip trembled a bit.

“I-I’m bleeding, m-my superior is going to notice… They’re gonna notice and they’re gonna put this on my report, that I’m some weak Quartz who showed up like _this_ ,” vainly, she tried wiping her hand down the inside of one of her thighs, trying to flick off the blood. Yet it only seems to mix with the water droplets clinging to her skin, and smear all over her large thighs like a canvas. Frustrated, she hid the dotting tears in her eyes by letting out an aggravated growl, knowing that if this wasn’t something she was allowed to tell her superiors about, then it’ll be a scourge on her record.

“I-I’m going to be _late_ , I'm not even _dry_ \-- a towel, I don't even have a towel-- I-I can't put on my clothes like _this_ \--”

Without even a word to Jasper’s panicked rambling, Lapis took to her feet and paced over to the shower switch, turning off the pattering backdrop. In a fluid twirl of her fingers, she caught control over the cloak of water over the naked Quartz and herself, and pull it off and away into a floating sphere, to which she promptly disposed of into the drain.

Just as Jasper vaguely looked over at her, still panting in anxiety and clutching the wall in a daze at the reminder of the elite’s power, Lapis was already thinking ahead and grabbing the soapy washcloth she had on the ground. With another fluid twist of her hand, she had expelled the soapy water from it as well, and made her way over to Jasper with the newly-dried washcloths in hand.

She leaned down, and angled her hand between Jasper’s thighs.

The Quartz momentarily sighed in relief; Lapis must be going to help wipe up the blood, and hopefully get her presentable so that her superiors won’t have to report Jasper’s condition when she arrives-- 

But then, a horrible dry pain pushed up into her sore and damaged insides, and she let out another undignified yelp of pain and confusion.

Lapis was shoving the washcloth up her.

It didn’t fit in well, being dry and rough in texture as Lapis rammed bunches of it up with her two fingers, but Jasper held back her obvious pain and discomfort with a hard bite of her lip. Working the washcloth all the way inside until just the corner peaked out of Jasper’s swollen entrance, Lapis straightened back up.

“It'll absorb the blood so you won't bleed during training. When you’re done, go straight to the showers and take it out, got it?”

Still biting her lip with teary eyes, Jasper hastily nodded obediently. 

With a sigh, Lapis turned and collect her skirt off the ground, before also ridding it of water and slipping it on in a heartbeat.

“You can wipe that blood off on one of the throw blankets in the other room; I’ll just have it replaced. After that, flash on your uniform and get to the training field without a word of this to anyone, including your superiors. Is that understood?”

Another rapid, sloppy nod. Lapis was already making her way into the main room, and with a heavy lean on the wall and a crooked stumble, Jasper struggled on after her.

She wiped her thighs off with a circular powered-blue throw blanket, and grimaced that the soft knitted fabric was tainted with ugly streaks of blood. Without missing a beat, she flashed on her uniform, wincing when she felt the pressure of her outfit’s tightness against that sore swollen spot between her legs. 

Lapis whispered another reminder to her, right before shutting the door and sending Jasper off--

“Don't you dare try and tell _anyone_.”

The door slammed shut, and with an aggravated huff Jasper leaned onto the pristine hallway walls, blinking blankly at the sealed metal door casting her away. 

It was so fast, so confusing; Jasper’s head was practically spinning as she tried to grasp onto what exactly just happened with her and that elite. But, now was not the time so much for thinking, an elite had given her direct orders not to speak about the ordeal with anyone else, and the clock was already ticking for her to hurry to the training field.

She turned around, and tried her best not to give away her condition as she hobbled slightly with a pained gait.

It was surely one of the most confusing experiences the newborn Quartz has had in her lifetime, but now the door was shut on her, and the strange encounter was finally over.

At least, for now it was.

\-----------------------

Training was an awful blur. 

Jasper followed through the motions, stood to alert when addressed, and mimicked the battle moves as fluidly as she could for her superior agate.

But she kept staring at her. Narrowed judging eyes, crawling all over Jasper’s skin every time she stumbled or wince at the raw pain radiating between her legs.

The moment the clock hit six hours and a low-tone bell dismissed them, Jasper was already racing off the field straight to the showers. No one is in the showers this early, not right after an exhausting training-- the cement room was still dim-lit when she entered, cueing her that the barrack’s systems still haven't processed the dismissal of Jasper’s training sector, and hasn't buzzed on their shower room lights just yet. Chances are their water isn't even running, either.

But luckily for Jasper, when she hastily twisted one of the metal knobs against the wall, she was coldly greeted with a pelt of icy water down her front, and despite it being far from any sort of bodily comfort, she sighed in bitter relief and dropped down to her knees. 

That unwelcoming icy shower has never felt so good before. Less than halfway through her training, she had already begun to bleed through; Jasper knows her agate saw, she kept staring down at her groin with a distasteful frown. She didn't say a word though-- and Jasper wasn't sure why. Not even her Quartz sisters said anything about it, but then again, chatter during training is much disproved of.

With a humming zip of light barely glinting off the reflection of water in the dark chilly room, Jasper flashed off her uniform, and palmed between her thighs to feel if the swelling had gone down. 

Still plump and sensitive. Perhaps it went down a bit, but Jasper couldn't quite tell. She pinched onto the end of the rag, moving to take it out, but the second she tugged on it her insides woke up and scorched her abdomen with vengeful pain.

“Ummf--” her hand slammed up over her mouth, muffling her upset cries. Ever-so-slightly, she tugged again, and slowly but surely she fought against the grain of jagged friction as she worked the soppy bunched-up washcloth out of her.

It felt so good when it finally got yanked out, leaving her insides alone and letting Jasper curl up with a groan of finality, soaking in just a moment of calm before she inevitably would have to clean off both herself and the washcloth and return to her cubby before any other soldiers entered the shower room.

Perhaps as punishment to herself for her own weakness, Jasper made herself get off the ground before even a minute passed by. Determine to resurrect her image of strength, she rung out the cloth in her hands, and scrubbed off the remnants of dried blood caked on her thighs. Huffing in a draw of cold air, she twisted the shower knob off, shivering as she grabbed the top towel off the bundle by the door and pat herself dry at an uncanny speed, finishing right before the shower lights finally flickered on.

Her hair was still damp and dripping, but nevertheless, she flashed her uniform back on and made her way to her designated cubby, clenching the washcloth tight in hand to hide it from anyone she passes. Another soldier finally entered, but just as she did Jasper harshly shouldered past her, ignoring the gruff bark the other Quartz made at her for her rude demeanor. But Jasper didn't care; she was better than the average soldier, so all these Quartzes were objectively beneath her. They don't deserve her respect.

She entered the cubby room and crawled up to her little hole to curl in, leaving her back open to the outside. There were a few murmurs from the others upon her entrance, but they were quick to devolve into their lighthearted chatter in mere moments.

Nobody bothered her for a while. It's not like they would, anyway; Jasper wasn't exactly known for her sociable personality among her sector. Not to mention the incident today, with almost every soldier on the training field noticing the dark spot around her groin. Just thinking about it made Jasper bury her face into her palms in embarrassment, wondering if there happened to be another Quartz in her sector who knew what had happened to Jasper merely from the sight of her spotted-through crotch, and simply smirked to herself in amusement as Jasper slowly soaked herself as the hours went by. Lapis did say that it’s an honor a few soldiers get the privilege of-- perhaps there’s another one in her sector?

With a comforted hum, she found herself curling in more, unfolding the cloth in her hands and idly rubbing it between two fingers. It was a nice thought, to think she wasn’t alone in this. That there was someone else out there, probably up in their respective cubby or chattering on the floor with a fellow Quartz, that has been through this just like Jasper has. It almost seemed hopeful, that while the ordeal itself was traumatically painful and utterly confusing, it was possible to wear it like a badge of honor and age from the experience unhindered.

At one point she found herself clutching the cloth in her hands. Like a good soldier, she should probably make sure to return it back to Lapis. But somehow, the good-soldier-thing-to-do seemed easily buried in Jasper’s head when she looked down in the cup of her palm.

After all she has been through today, with the relatively beaming praise Lapis gave her for her service, shouldn’t she have the right to… keep it? Not too much like a memento, as the connotation of the cloth itself was quite horrific, but more like a trophy. Like something she earned, something she can keep to remind herself she did good.

Quartzes aren’t really given the opportunity to keep many personal belongings to begin with. Of course, seldom they come in possession of little trinkets or scraps; perhaps a pretty rock they found on the ground, or an iron chip off a wore battleax that wasn’t going to be missed when they return the weapon back to the armory. And their superiors aren’t unreasonable, they let their soldiers keep the meager little mementos they find in their cubbies, provide it’s small enough to fit with them in it.

A weak little smile spread on Jasper’s lips. She was going to keep it, this cloth is hers now. If Lapis didn’t intend for her to have it, then she wouldn’t have sent her off with it to begin with; in a way, she _wanted_ her to have this trophy, right?

Gently, she pressed her face into the softness, sighing at the little token she got to keep. The very memory made her stomach clutch up and churn, and her throat feel tight and dry-- but, Lapis’ praise still rung in her head.

She made Homeworld proud, she was loyal, she was dedicated...

She was a _good soldier_ today _._

And perhaps that was enough for her to be proud of. Because at that very least, she could salvage that from the horrors of today.

\-----------------------

**Report #73156** , date ███, Indiction 14, 75e

 **Reporting superior** : Fire Agate, facet ███ cut ██ 

**Superior's identification number** : ██████ 

**Gem** : Jasper Quartz, facet ███ cut ██

**Gem's identification number** : ██████ 

**Sector** : 27th, Pink Diamond’s 

**Gem emerge date** : ███, Indiction 13, 75e

Today this jasper, of which has otherwise excelled and surpassed all others from her Kindergarten, performed along the poorest today under unusual circumstance. She arrived late, and was lectured and punished, receiving a light fifteen(15) lashes so that training may resume promptly. Her gait was most irregular, and tripped several times outside of sparing activity, to which she apologized each time for and reported she lost her footing. All lashes she received earlier were superficial, and with her size and sturdiness, there was originally no clear culprit to her clumsiness and disruption of training. Have the record show strong assumptions pointed to passive disobedience.

Later in the training period her outfit appeared to have stained in her groin. Upon a better inspection, it was determined that the fabric was damp. This dampness was presumed to be urination. Her sector doesn’t have any direct access to water, nor were they educated on frivolous bodily functions such as liquid digestion; thus, new assessment determined she must have drunk shower water from the barracks. Since few (if any) of these young soldiers have passed liquid through their bodies before, it is assumed her unusual gait and general clumsiness today were a result of discomfort from a full bladder, resulting in the soiling of her uniform and the poor performance.

Closer attention shall be paid to this jasper, but ideally this incident would teach her not to drink shower water. However, to prevent her from acting on any other odd impulses or ideas, she will be lightly and occasionally monitored during her resting period to ensure no future issues.

_This concludes Fire Agate’s report #73156, date ███, Indiction 14, 75e._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the file format at the end. I just want this fic to have a little taste every now and again of what the situation appears to be to outsiders, and I found the files were the best way to do so. Also kinda saw how effective the format can be like with the SCP Containment Breach site, so definitely took notes from them.
> 
> Leave a comment below if y'all think the file format was effective, I'll love to hear input since I'm taking a lot of stylistic liberties with this story. Also, Smile Like You're My Savior should be the next fic to update pretty soon, so wish me luck on getting that one done at a reasonable time! c:


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